Does anyone remember the types of Family Christmases that I remember?

Beginning in November, AFTER Thanksgiving, I remember one room of our house (usually the largest) was designated as "Wrapping Central". As Dad got out the tree, lights, ornaments, inside and outside decorations, Mom gathered all the Christmas wrapping paper, ribbons, bows, a box or two of cards received in prior years, and other wrapping paraphernalia (glitter - later glitter sticks, Scotch Tape -multiple packages, pens - from black to silver and white, crayons, etc.) and tables... a card table or two, and a couple of those thin, metal folding tables (the kind that fold out from close-to-square to double that size, revealing the folding metal legs). Those were all set in the room, and we (the whole family) worked on setting up the tree.

I don't really remember us having a "real" tree once we moved to Lafayette around 1962. Yes... I DO remember "real" trees (and the needles all over the living room). I also remember going a few times with Dad and/or an employee or two, to pick them up somewhere around Monticello, I believe, to sell at Dad's store. And my uncle, for a while at least, got a "real" 15-20-foot tree, and set it up in his living room. I also found where he, and we, got those first shiny aluminum trees... The ones with the three- or four-color wheel that made it shine in red, blue, green and/or yellow? My grandfather sold them at one time. I'll bet his boys got one each. I remember having one of those, I think, in a different room than the main tree, and remember at least one uncle having one. And, like I said, after we moved to Lafayette, I don't remember us using many "real" trees.

The Old House

When we moved to Lafayette, we lived in an older house, with a bay window on the side. This is where we put the tree. I think Dad put lights on the outside around a few of the lower windows, and maybe on the porch railing. I seem to remember the outside decorations on that house being somewhat austere. It WAS a two-story house, after all. I think we put those electric candles in the front windows.

Mom spent the part of each day we were at school wrapping presents for us in "Wrapping Central", in the large, middle-of-the-house dining room. These gifts were usually hidden - in closets we weren't allowed into for a month, car trunks, and I don't know where else. When it came time to wrap presents for my grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, we kids became involved. We learned how to wrap boxes (easy) and did our best on the odd-shaped gifts, like Teddy Bears, those in plastic wrap, etc. Bows were attached - Mom collected bows each year, and when the "sticky" wouldn't work any more, we taped them on - or the ribbons were used, pulling scissors on the ends to make them curl. Then, the cards from prior years' Christmases - you know... the ones received in the mail from family and friends - were cut up, normally cutting the picture on the front out, for tags for the gifts. Once-in-a-while, we could get more than one "tag" out of a card. Occasionally, we used new tags or mini-decorations Mom bought for the purpose.

Christmas Crafts

Looking for something "crafty" for your kids and you to do for Christmas (or almost any holiday)? Try this:

If you DO try it, make sure the "waxy" side of the wax paper is on the inside, and that's the side that's colored!

Store Party

My father had a store party, each year, for his employees. I remember in the old house, being sent to bed, but listening to them playing party games. One year, it was feel, or smell, something in a small, lunch-sized, paper bag. Mom had us help her set them up, and I think she even used a couple of our ideas. It was hard to go to sleep, and I remember recognizing my uncles' voices (they were invited) coming in.

The New House

Once we'd been in Lafayette a year or so, a new house was designed and built, and we moved into it about 1964 or 5. It was a "split-level", with the front door opening on two 1/2 staircases, the left-side going down into the finished basement, and the right going up, straight into the kitchen, or around the rail to the living room, where we set the tree up in a window.

"Wrapping Central" was in the lower-level recreation room. Most had to be done and the wrapping stuff packed away before the store party, because 10-15 rented tables (4 chairs each) were set up for it. As we got older, my brother and I were involved in getting and setting up these card tables and chairs. We also worked at the store, but until we reached 16 or so, most of the people there were older than us. Even so, it was nice to see everyone from all three stores in one place, at one time, having fun.

After the tree was up and decorated, and a few indoor decorations were set up, it was time to spend the day setting up the outside display. We had a huge limestone outcropping beside and above our driveway. (There were caves next door.) There was about a 4-foot by 3-foot space right beside it, about 4 feet up, and a pretty tall, straight tree directly above that. We put one of those plastic manger scenes in that spot, with internally lit Mary, Joseph, Jesus, a shepherd, and a couple of sheep. Sand in the bottom, kept them standing, and the little alcove was somewhat protected from the wind. We then wired a lit plastic star in the tree above, and Dad ran outdoor extension cords for them, plugging them into an outdoor outlet. Every night, we stepped outside the door and plugged it in, unplugging it when we went to bed, or in the morning.

We used branches from the aluminum tree we still had, and wrapped them around our "fancy" double, light-blue front door frame. I remember the first year, we put nails in the frame, bending them down to hold the branches. I don't remember ever taking them out. We simply pulled the aluminum branches out every year, putting them back the next, until too many wore out. Then we started using the shiny aluminum garland. One of my parents got hold of 12-18"-wide red vinyl, and each front door was "wrapped" in a ribbon. We also had a couple of big, red bows, which were put on the door, completing the "package". Then a landscaping spotlight was staked into the yard to "show off" the door. It wasn't as "gaudy" as it sounds, believe me... It looked nice. A short strand of leather "jingle-bells" was hung on the main door on the inside, so that whenever it was opened, they rang. After a few years of putting them away, the bells stayed on the door year-round.

Other Activities

Church Music

We were also involved in the choirs, at church, Mom and Dad in the adult choirs and occasional quartets with their friends, and us kids in youth choirs. (I'm sure most of you have seen the "I had a drug problem" item, about being "drug to church, drug to school, drug to..." Get it?) Yes, we were "drug", too, but once we were involved in a choir, it was more fun for us. For a few years in a row, beginning in 8th grade, I wrote Christmas songs. In different years, I sang one solo at church (THAT was scary!), the youth choir did one, my father and I did a couple of them one year, and once I sang two or three at a Christmas Dinner. Our choir also did special Christmas music, and on even another, year, the whole family (Mom, Dad, my brother, his fiance at the time, I believe (now his wife), and my sister) sang a song as carolers for the dinner. I also remember going caroling with the choirs one year, hitting a few church member homes, and going to the Knights of Pythias home.

School Music

Our high-school also put on a full Christmas show, each year, with each choir doing their own "section". It culminated in ALL the choirs together, with the school orchestra, doing a longer piece, ending with the Hallelujah Chorus. We did a fantastic job, if I do say so myself. Also, one year, our large "show" choir made a record, sold through the school. We went to a church most of us probably never sang in (it had great acoustics), and had to hit everything perfectly. All songs were "one-take" songs... There were no cuts. We may have had to stop and start over on each song a few times. Even so, it was great fun. Wonder if Mom and Dad still have that record, or if someone out there has a copy they could tape for me? I believe that would be the 1971 or 1972, Lafayette Jefferson High School, Choir Christmas LP.

Family

"Family Dynamics" have changed a lot over the years. As we kids (and our cousins) became involved, got married, and had kids of our own, we, of course, had to figure a way to visit our spouses' families and include their traditions. This has made it difficult for everyone to get together, especially on Christmas Day.

So, someone in my father's family, normally my uncle in West Lafayette, right now, hosts a family Christmas a week or two before the 25th, where most, if not all, of the family (my grandmother's boys' families) get together as we used to at Christmas. My cousins usually come in from Georgia and Ohio, my aunt and uncle (and now, my parents) come back from Florida, and cousins come from Zionsville, Lebanon, Indianapolis ... I believe everyone makes a concerted effort to be there with their kids. If the Colts are playing the game's on the TV, and there's a lot of conversation.

Exchange

The gift exchange had become much more expensive, and most of us could no longer afford to buy gifts for everyone. So we switched to giving gift cards. A husband and wife can buy (and exchange) one card, or we can buy (and exchange) one card for each adult, and we are normally to bring a "white elephant" gift. No names are on the outside of the card or gift. We draw numbers and sequentially select and open a card from the pile. If someone has opened a card we want when it's our turn, we can "steal" it, forcing them to either "steal" another card from someone else, or pick another one from the pile. (There's a limit of 3 times that a card can be "stolen", so if one's REALLY good and wanted by all, it doesn't come down to everyone stealing it from anyone who's gotten it.)

The white elephant gift can be a gag gift, expensive, cheap, or just something from home you no longer want or need, and would like to get rid of. One year, one of them was one of those outline tube-light Christmas Angels. The next year, it was in the mix again, as it was the year after. I think it's been retired. Another year it was a "video chain", that allows you to connect a video camera to one side and a slide or movie projector to the other, and record your old stuff. It can be nice, but if you don't have the camera or projector, it's an albatross. It was in the next year's exchange. ;-) These are exchanged the same way as the cards. And, believe it or not, it can be fun.

Exchange Variation

Another way to do the white elephant, would be that everyone picks their presents, in order, based on the shapes, size, sound when shaken, smell, whatever. It would be best if there were a couple of extras, left behind. Once all have been selected, each is opened, again, in order. Once the gift is revealed, the ones following can keep the one they selected or trade for the one already opened. If the trade happens, then that person can keep and open the traded one, or trade it for one that hadn't been selected, and must open it immediately. The person they trade with must wait until THEIR turn to open or trade. The limit on trades of a gift, and the fun of seeing what everyone gets (and wants to KEEP or GET RID OF) is great fun.

The first year my sister-in-law did this type of exchange, she did it as a game. All gifts were exchanged, then she brought out more. She had wrapped a number of cheap gifts, a couple of nice ones, and some cans of food. She had saved boxes from her meal-making, and used them to change the shape and size of the presents. She had wrapped 2-5 gifts more than everyone who would be there. It was fun and funny to see the selection process, what different gifts were, who got what, and who ended up with what. Try it some time for fun.

All of that is fun, and it's great to see the family, but what that means to me is that Christmas isn't the "Family Christmas", it used to be, any more.

More Family Christmas

Mom's Family

My grandparents used to come from Ohio and spent a week or so with us around this time of year. My aunt came, and sometimes brought a female friend who couldn't go "home" for Christmas with her. For a while, my uncle lived in Lafayette, and he and his family came on Christmas day. Later my grandparents lived in Lafayette, making the visit local, while my aunt and uncle moved out West.

My grandparents on this side of my family are no longer with us, and neither is my uncle. And I haven't seen or heard from my aunt (who lives in AZ) since my grandmother, her mother, died in 2000. I really do miss them all.

Dad's Family

I remember a few times when Dad's brothers and their families came for Christmas. When they had their own kids, I don't remember as many Christmas visits to OUR house, but we almost always went to my grandmother's house in Sheridan (where they grew up) in the afternoon, or the weekend immediately after Christmas. The whole family (my Dad's brothers and their families), were there. Usually, my grandmother's brother, who also lived in Sheridan, came over with his wife, and sometimes his son. His daughter and her family (also from Sheridan) came a few times, too.

My grandfather on this side died when I was six years old. My grandmother remarried a few years later, and Herm was a big part of our family. He died in 1982. My grandmother is still going strong at 91, and asked me to try to keep the Family Christmases going, when she can't any more.

Christmas Eve

We always went to an evening candle-light service at church on Christmas Eve. I believe at least in one year, our youth choir did a special service.

Once we got home, it was time for the "kids" to get ready for bed. Somehow, Santa had come and left a "preview" present we were allowed to open, each year. It was usually a new pair of pajamas, slippers, or a bathrobe, which we immediately wore that night, and the next day. This tradition continued pretty much until we moved out of the house.

For a few years, in the new house, I remember Dad renting single-bed cots, and us kids being "kicked out" of our rooms, which were used by older adults. For us kids, it was kinda interesting... like camping indoors, almost. We were in strange beds, in the rec-room of the house, with other kids, some we only saw once-a-year, and lots of people we may not have known all that well, all around, and adults talking and doing something upstairs. It was hard to go to sleep, but it was ... I don't know if we thought this at the time, but nostalgically, it was fun.

Christmas Day

We kids would usually get up early. The rule was that we weren't allowed out of bed until it was light out, and even then we weren't allowed to wake up Mom and Dad.

Santa always left presents around our stockings that we could open before they got up. After a while, Santa left a few of his own presents under the tree, and we were allowed to open them, too. Opening and playing with them usually kept us busy until Mom and Dad got up. THEN we had to wait until Mom made the Pillsbury Cinnamon Rolls and Dad had a cup of coffee before the other presents under the tree were distributed. (I remember everyone in bathrobes and PJs.)

We usually went to church afterwards, especially if one of our choirs was performing.

In the old house, I remember a time or two of spending some of the afternoon with the family, until those who drove in left, and some outside with friends when it was warm enough. We played with and talked about our new presents. This must have been when the whole family came there for Christmas, because I remember normally going to my grandmother's house in Sheridan, usually until dark. The car was packed with all the new presents, we kids laid on the seat or on the back window ledge, and fell asleep while Dad drove the 45 minutes home.

Life Goes On

I miss the "big family" Christmases. As other families (the aunts', uncles', cousins' spouses' and our own spouses') families came into the mix, the "big family" Christmases (on Christmas Day) have faded away. New "traditions" have come into being...

For example, my ex-wife's family opened their gifts on Christmas Eve. Being Catholic, they attended Mass on Sunday morning. (Remember... My family went to church the night before.) So, we took the kids there, and opened presents on Christmas Eve, then drove home, had a Christmas in the morning for the kids, and drove back to Lafayette around noon, to spend the rest of the day at my parents.

My boys and I (and my new wife) still try to do the latter. My brother and sister usually stop by with their families after spending the morning with their spouses' families. (For some reason, usually at least one of the girls (one of my nieces) is "in a mood", which makes for a bit of drama, but...) If Mom and Dad knows that everyone will be there at the same time, whoever got there first holds off opening the gifts Santa left there until everyone is there. Then, they're all passed out, and opened one at a time.

However, THIS year, my 74-year-old mother has listened to all the plane crash stories through the summer, and become afraid of flying, so doesn't want to come back from Florida. My 73-year-old father will NOT drive all the way back for Christmas, only to turn around and go back to Florida a few days afterward, until late Spring. So, I guess my brother, sister and I are going to spend the first Christmas of my 51-year life without at least seeing them. MAN is that depressing!

Now, we as a full family, have kids spending the holidays at alternate divorced parents' Family Christmases. Or, because of when Christmas falls in the week, someone has to work the day before and/or after, and can't make the trip. Companies who profess to be "family oriented" raise hell when people ask for this time off late in the year. Aunts, uncles and cousins have to spend quality time with their spouses' families. Families no longer live near enough to each other to drive in an hour or two, and travel's become even more expensive.

My wife and I will probably go down to the Evansville area, this year after Christmas, to spend part of the day with her children and maybe some of her family.

Traditions are changing and there's not much we can do about it. Families live and work all over the world, and because of this and other things, like divorce, work, etc., it's impossible to keep the traditional "Family Christmas" going.

No wonder people get depressed around Christmas. Part of it has to do with the capabilities and costs of buying presents for your family, and part has to do with the fact that you don't SEE your family near as much as you used to, if at all.

I want to say I will keep the family get-togethers going to my grandmother, but I don't know if it's at all possible, any more. Maybe this article will help "keep it going".

Did I say I miss the "big family" Christmases?

Well, if memories of them are all we have left, then they are good ones, at least.

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by Bill Sanders © December 01, 2006 - email:

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After I finished the above, I sent it to my parents and grandmother to see what they thought of it.

My grandmother replied:

I also realized that what I'd written about Mom not wanting to come back might be construed as attempting to make her feel guilty to try to convince her into it. So I sent a quick message to Dad, saying:

When he came on his nightly IM to me, here's the excerpts of the exchange:

Yes, it's true... Doesn't mean we have to LIKE it, right Mamaw?