Please note: The majority of my complaints that follow are NOT with the Indianapolis Zoo, itself. It's a wonderful place to spend the day with your family or group. This piece is meant to be a slightly humorous look at what happened to me, and what I actually saw, on our visit. AND, hopefully, it will make some people think.

Yesterday, we went to the Indianapolis Zoo. And I saw a LOT of boobs and asses, many literally and many more figuratively. Allow me to explain.

Background

I am 6'9" tall and overweight. (I describe myself more as "a football lineman gone-to-seed" than "Re-Run" (memories!) or "House" from the Police Academy movies). And, after:

 

• years of diabetic ulcers causing infections causing:
  • removal of all the toes of my right foot (flesh back to metatarsals, and removal of those bones back to the cuneiforms)
  • the removal of my big toe on the left foot (and metatarsal bone behind it), half of the next toe, and the toenail (and the way the surgeon did it was to basically "clip" the end of the toe and close the end - bone's close to the skin and has and may cause problems in the future)
  • my podiatrist getting me handicapped stickers and recommending I don't walk more than five (5) minutes at any time
• late 2003, screwing up my knee, where after surgery, rehab and physical therapy, I can walk SOME, but can't bend the knee much more than 90 degrees

I have a scooter. It's a nice scooter. For reasons listed elsewhere on this site, I seldom get a chance to use it. I used it a couple of times to drop my van off at a garage and drive back home, and once to go to the eye doctor a few blocks from my home. I have been to the store a few times (when my wife feels good enough to get the "temporary" ramps out of the back so we can unload and load the scooter), and the only other crowded public place I've gone is to the airport to see her eldest daughter and a friend off on a vacation a while back. So it was going to be nice to "get out" and take my wife's other daughter and her friend to the Indianapolis Zoo, yesterday (06/03/2006).

Boobs and Asses

My wife's daughter and friend arrived here this morning around 10AM (9AM their time) from the Evansville area, we all talked for a short while, and loaded up and went to the zoo. We found a spot in the parking lot (amazingly) about a city block or so from the entrance and unloaded, both ourselves and the scooter, and, after waiting in a fairly short line, got in in around 15 minutes. I was worried, because the gate I was to enter didn't seem wide enough (as many of the indoor exhibit entrance doors seemed, too), but I managed (almost all day!) without having to back up and "re-aim".

We went to and entered the first exhibit hall, and that's when I REALLY started seeing all the boobs and asses.

Literal

The LITERAL should be obvious.

I'm seated and trying to pay attention to where I'm going so I don't "run over" anybody. Whether trying or not, looking at anything at eye-level, if a woman passes in my field of view, the first thing that I see is her boobs. They're EYE-LEVEL! No... I try very hard not to stare, and, in the majority of the cases, there's nothing there I WANT to see. Not that I don't appreciate a nice, pert pair, you understand. It's more that most of the women I was seeing were in "dress down" clothes (t-shirts and tank-tops) with very loose bras (if any), and besides, believe it or not, I was trying to see the exhibits! Asses, well, they work pretty much the same way (but are just below eye-level). Women (and men... ewww - not my "cup of tea") walking in front of me, and trying to avert my eyes from the eye-level sights, but keep an eye on where I am, where they are, and where everyone else is, I can't help but see the asses, too!

Oh... And a few of those asses that "stand out"... A nice-looking Hispanic woman, with pants so tight and rise so short they came JUST above her ass-crack, obvious when she bent over to pick up a kid - she had to pull her pants up a LOT; a young (late-teen, early 20s) lady, so thin she HAD no ass at all (no hips, either - skin & bones); and a middle-aged lady whose ass could have held 3-4 drinks - I mean as a SHELF (all hips and ass, nothing else). No boobs really stand out - well, a LOTTA boobs "stood out" - but nothing really memorable, believe it or not.

The LITERAL was bad (well, most of the time) enough, but the FIGURATIVE... THAT'S another story.

Figurative

I told you my size. I was wearing a new, bright orange (think orange-barrel/cone color) sleeveless t-shirt. With my size and that shirt, you should have been able to see me a mile away. I was FREAKIN' INVISIBLE! Oh, they dodged around me, but VERY FEW PEOPLE, ALL DAY, even let me know they were going to step in front of me, OR THE SCOOTER! I did run across (not literally, but close!) the occasional person who actually said "Excuse me" as they passed in front of me, but I was being polite, and staying back to let the kids in close, and trying to view the exhibits. And HUNDREDS of people, children (I KIND of understand), teens, young and old adults just stepped between me and my wife or me and the exhibit, like I was just a chair set there to keep them from standing in or walking through THAT spot. And this was just the first exhibit in the hall! I managed to see a little more than 1/2 the stuff there.

My Rant

Here's MY bitch. I ALWAYS was extremely careful about who I blocked when I was a "walker". I know how much space my body takes up and, if I could see whatever I was looking at from behind and above most other people, especially kids, or from the side, it was good enough for me. (You know... Being POLITE!) NOW, I'm smaller (ok... SHORTER) than everyone else (including my 5' tall wife), and NOT ONE PERSON kept their kids OR themselves from stepping in front of me! And, trust me... I went to see the zoo exhibits, not the fat asses and floppy boobs of the people that were there to do the same thing!

After going through that first exhibit, we stopped at a cafe to eat lunch. Well, it was a "zoo" there, too. With so many people crowding the counter, I told my wife what I wanted, and parked near a trashcan, where someone had left a stroller. A few more people entered, and the last line was back to me. Other people came in and stepped right into that line, IN FRONT OF ME (I know I a wasn't in line, but wouldn't it have been just a LITTLE human to ask if I was?) About 20 minutes later, my wife's daughter and friend (who were just in front of my wife) got their food and came over to me. I told them that I'd heard there were tables outside on the other side of the cafe, so they went to save one. A couple of minutes later, my wife appeared and we went out the door and behind the cafe to get over there. On the way, I had to dodge a number of people who just "kept coming" assuming I'd move, and a number of kids who were running around. I pulled the scooter up as close as I could to a table. It and it's benches were set in concrete, so could not be moved. I managed to fit the tiller of the scooter into the gap between the benches and we ate.

When we were done, we went to the dolphin show. It was 1/2-3/4 hour early, but, having been to the zoo before and to other parks  (when I was walking), I knew it would be filling up fast (which it DID), and I didn't know how they would handle the scooter. They have a lower section in front of glass where you can see the dolphins swimming in the pool. It's called "The Splash Zone", because during the show, they have the dolphins jump and flip their tails to splash water on the crowd in these seats. I was pointed to a spot on the landing area between those seats and the grandstand. They brought a chair over so my wife could sit beside me (nice). Her daughter and friend sat in the grandstands behind us. I was not the only handicapped ("physically-challenged") person seated in this area. Everyone in a wheelchair or scooter was seated on either end in front of the grandstands, and, normally, a chair was brought over for (one of) the person(s) they were with to sit with them. (Again. this was nice, but the seats directly behind us in the grandstands were NOT reserved for anyone else in our parties. If they came in late, the other part of the group could/would have had to sit on the other side of the stands and rows and rows away from us. I can understand that for LARGE groups, but for small family groups of 3-5 people?) If the others were CHILDREN, I don't know WHAT they would have done! In a couple of cases, some of the kids stood in "our row".

Now, my eye-level view saw lots of LITERAL boobs and asses while we waited for the show to start and people came in. I also noticed that the edge of the glass was just about my eye level, too, meaning that I could only see the dolphins when they were in the pool, away from or almost against the glass, or flying through the air. I could not see them "make their kick", I did not have the option of sitting in the splash-zone, and, when they brought the dog stuff out (they use dogs in the show, too) DURING the show, it was placed 3' in front of me.

NOT ONE of the staff paid attention to the fact that I (and others) were trying to take pictures of flying dolphins. I have GREAT pictures of a round zoo employee, the announcer as she walked by, and the end of the teeter-totter (as it was being brought over and set up) that the dog walked (Whew!), all while the show was going on, and the dolphins were splashing the people in front of me, or flying. My seating area was much too far away from the other side to see much of ANYTHING that was going on there. I did notice that it seemed they had "triplet" shows going on, and believe that our side was supposed to mirror the other side. And something was going on in the middle (I assume the dolphins were doing the same thing), but that was about as much as I could tell. 15-20 minutes later, the show was over(!?!) Yes. It was cool to see the dolphins doing their thing, but I would have liked to have actually SEEN more than I could, because of where I was seated.

When the show was over, we left as soon as we could, trying to "beat the crowd".

On we went. Except for one miscue, where I had to turn around while my wife and the others used steps, we pretty much managed to stay fairly close to each other the rest of the way around the zoo.

HOWEVER, I could not count the number of kids who darted in front of me DRIVING MY SCOOTER while I was trying to keep up with my family. I could not count the number of PEOPLE who stepped in front of me while I was looking at an exhibit, animal or even while I was driving! I could not count the number of people who accidentally kicked my scooter wheels or feet and didn't say "excuse me". I could not count the number of people who stepped between me and my wife. (Well, I can, kinda, forgive that... how would they know we are together... We did not put a leash on her from my scooter, and she could get close to the viewing areas while I couldn't.) I could not count the number of RUDE people there! In fact, near the end, one young girl (looked 12, but had a real tattoo on her arm) was directly behind my wife, and I was beside her. There were people moving faster on both sides of us, and she was BITCHING about how SLOW people were going (meaning MY WIFE, who had people in front of HER and who was trying to stay with ME) To whom was she saying this? No one I could see except us! (Kinda like my comments, following, but she was LOUD! Almost as soon as she said it, there was an opening in the line going by her on the other side, she swooped out and passed us all.

Oh, I expected a few people to act like this, but almost EVERY person there did. Many times when it happened I remarked aloud "I guess I'm just INVISIBLE" or "I can't BELIEVE I'm invisible... Can't they see this shirt?" to no one (meaning it for the assholes) and my wife kept trying to shush me. Oh... Many of the kids noticed me without these remarks... In fact, in a couple of places, LITTLE kids actually looked at me, asking (with their eyes) if they could step in front of me, while their parents were telling them "just go ahead and get up there". (I hope they don't take on their parent/grandparent's attitudes and traits, and keep their own obviously innate politeness!)

Epilogue

People who watch out for little children running around so they won't bump them, kick them, step on them (or even get in their way) do NOT notice a grown-up person in a wheelchair or scooter, and if they do, they apparently don't think they want or need to see the same things everyone else does. I guess I can honestly say now that I understand why some people in wheelchairs and scooters seem to be rude to "walkers," just "barging" on through wherever they need or want to go, It seems it's the only way they can be and are noticed, by many, at all!

Except for all the rudeness I encountered (and maybe I was rude with my remarks, too, but I, personally, believe I had a good reason - I wasn't going to "run people over"), it was a nice day. We did manage to see most of the zoo, my wife got some nice pix, and we spent the day at the zoo with my wife's daughter and her friend. THAT was nice.

Wish I could have enjoyed it more, though!

by Bill Sanders © June 04, 2006 (Published on website, June 05, 2006) - email:

PS (about the article, above): It's been brought to my attention that maybe I shouldn't have been so descriptive of some of the people in the article above - That it detracts from the problem; That though my descriptions are accurate, they may be a little "over-the-top", and rude. Well, maybe so, but the point of this article is that I was (despite my size, shirt and scooter), invisible. These people, obviously, were not. Each and every one of those actually described, above, were walking. Only one person should be able to be identified (the dolphin show announcer) and this article may, if nothing else, make her realize that there are people there, and maybe her timing needs to change. But, as rude and as uncaring as most people were, yesterday, I feel that what I wrote, above is NOTHING. Besides, I think it adds a little humor and description. -BS

PPS (about Food and Drink): You are not allowed (supposed to) take food and drink into the zoo. We didn't realize this until we were in line at the entrance gates. We had a couple of bottles of pop, and I think my wife's daughter had a bag of chips, or something. Not wanting to split the group, wait for someone to run everything back to the van, or throw away full bottles/bags, we ended up putting them in my wife's daughter's purse, and putting it in my scooter's basket. I understand they don't want people to toss "human food" to the animals, and that there are people who would bring stuff in and do that. BUT, they need CLEARLY MARKED signs at the gates where you pay for parking, along the road from there to the parking lot, and at other "strategic locations", including all sign- and/or lamp-posts. in other words, LONG before you get to the entrance gates. We broke the rules, there, but did not drink or eat the stuff we brought in.

And, as with most zoos and theme parks, part of their profit is selling pop and food. HOWEVER, $2.00 for a bottle of pop or water from a vending machine? $2.50 for a plain (and didn't taste very fresh) hot-dog? Even more for the cheeseburger that tasted like it was cooked in hot-dog water? Talk about "price gouging". ALL zoos/parks should re-examine the pricing structures for food within them. I realize that people WILL pay those amounts (supply and demand), but when you can buy a package of 10 hot-dogs for the same amount you would spend on ONE in the venue (fast-food brand or not), when fountain drinks cost pennies and you are charged $2.00 or more, when pop in the vending machines cost 20-40 cents apiece at a store and you're charged $2.00, something's wrong. With charges for parking and the costs to even enter the zoo/park, add on the cost of keeping "hydrated" on hot days, and the food, if you're spending more than an hour or so there, and it can cost a family of four well over $100 to go. SOMEONE is making out BIG-TIME! -BS
 

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